i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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