i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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