I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
