genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
