butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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