I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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