We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
