she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
