in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wish I only lived at night.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
