i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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