He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
pop tarts are not kleenex
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
