I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
only if we run a train.
done.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
