my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
