is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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