I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
