I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
