Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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