Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
