dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
this just has baby written all over it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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