The maid of honor just puked.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
