my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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