Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
