Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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