i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
