My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
