walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize