I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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