I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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