I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
