so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
