Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
do nipples grow back?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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