There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize