Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
