True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
