ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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