apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
