Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
