We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
