Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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