I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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