Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
