I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
