Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
