I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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