areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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