i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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