Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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