Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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