Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
