You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
