I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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