No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Let's get the cat blown out
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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