You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize