i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Four minutes until I can fart!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
