Joe is yelling at the trees again.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
