My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
